I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
