I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
