Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
