best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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