I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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