Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
