she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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