They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
