I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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