You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
