I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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