I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
