I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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