no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
