I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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