I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
