He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
