i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
