Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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