Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
