I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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