Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
