some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The best revenge is premature balding
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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