Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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