I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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