alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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