So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
