I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
