I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize