If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize