He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
