I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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