so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
