You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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