The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
