Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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