I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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