somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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