Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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