So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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