some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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