OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
