ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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