Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize