Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
