I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
