I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
