Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
