Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
