is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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