also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
