weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
