so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
