do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
