Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
