your parents love me but you hate me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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