there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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