Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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