I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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