sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Houston, we have a squirter
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
