Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize