part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
