worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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