if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
This house was built for laser tag.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize