Sacagawea was the original milf.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize