no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Did I show you my penis last night?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
