Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
