Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
