Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
