just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
