Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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