Soap is not a condiment
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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