What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize