i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
