you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
