i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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