So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you had me at cake vodka
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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