I cannot find my penis.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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