New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
