I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
