you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Mom said you looked used
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
