She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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