your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Yo dont text me then not text me
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
