Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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