the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I hate all girls vehemently.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
