I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize