Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize