I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
