Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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