I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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